Balance is a profound concept and an essential element of healthy life.
We hear much about the Balance of Nature, the live-work balance, the balance of the seasons the problems of imbalance that occur in the body when illness strikes. More now we hear about the balance between mind body and spirit.
It is not easy to balance the demands of life in the 21st Century especially in the city. Travel times are long and arduous the work is demanding., our relationships and friends all place demands on our time and energy
Balance in some way is the pinnacle of most religions practice – to balance life stresses and pressures with the human body, mind, spirit and soul and balance between home-life and work, between our emotions and our mind, the many systems that work unconsiciously to sustain our bodies out of awareness and if you have time to attend to the messages that body sends, you are fortunate and of course historically we are also a balance between reptilian mammalian and human layers in the brain.
True balance demands that we spend time to manage our breathing using our sympathetic / parasympathetic nervous system. To balance energy-expenditure with energy-accumulation,, to balance thought with rest.
Where does psychotherapy rest in all of this ?
At the very least Psychotherapy can assist in starting to balance mind and feelings to generate peace within us.
Mastery of the powerful emotions a baby and young child must wrestle with are key milestones in childhood. Emotional regulation in a happy childhood is achieved as rage and fear are gradually tamed through reassurance, patience. kindness and presence: Presence being the full-hearted attention of one human being towards another,
first in the loving look a parent gives and later in the deep connections of friendship respect admiration and love that human can form. When a child is born to a calm present parent ,that child will feel deeply seen and heard, deeply understood and deeply loved. Confidence in life will result.
When a primary caregiver is preoccupied, anxious, angry or detached, a child will absorb the preoccupation, anxiety, anger and detachment that is shown to them and even, we know now, an unborn child can sense epigenetically the biochemical markers which convey what to expect emotionally at birth.
Children, of course, must somehow survive and protect themselves in unloving or hostile environments. The nervous system provides for fight, flight, freeze or appease
responses which are wired -in to automatically take over under threat, but a baby or a small child cannot fight or run away so the choices are limited to distract, to shut down, to appease, to fit around the situation and placate as much as possible. and under intolerable stress to detach emotionally altogether in order to numb the pain of rejection or abuse..
It is not just war or natural disaster that traumatizes a baby, or a child. It is lack of presence – lack of the loving attention that every child needs to feel a rightful place in the world.
Psychotherapy at its best is able to help repair the damages caused in childhood and to provide a pathway to the balance of an ‘earned’ secure attachment bringing with it feelings of joy and happiness as well the ability to soothe and regulate fear, anxiety, anger or rage.
John DInwoodie 11th February 2025
